Stories From The Head

Lucifer’s Happiness Lucifer was NOT happy with the way things were going. His mother was alive. His father was in good health. His four brothers and been born with merely the tiniest of handicaps. Lucifer strongly disliked the situation. He had tried to murder (or at least cripple) his entire family, but it was no use – they remained intact. A sorcerer called Udugel had cursed Lucifer so he couldn’t harm anyone he wanted to harm. “I need to employ plan B” Lucifer said to his manservant, Eddik. He opened the envelope marked “Plan B”. This letter was in the envelope: Udugel Oppan Alley #882 99001 Zumikatta Valley                     18.Gus.22154   Lucifer (The Bastard) The Hut in front of the dead hamster 78445 Kukkegrøt   Hello there, you little frog             I guess you want me to tell you how to break the curse. I will do so on one condition: You must name your first eleven children     Udugel, and carve their faces to be like mine. This may seem selfish, but believe me, it is best for all involved parties (ESPESCIALLY the children). Now, go to the library and find the book marked SFTH, and carefully follow the instructions within. I will not say good luck...         Udugel The book was easy to find, and Lucifer followed the instructions. First he got elected emperor of the free world, then he banned all use of toilets. Having done this, there was only one thing left to do: ARRANGE A FESTIVAL. People flocked to see the parades, ride the death-carousels, sleep with gagga-beasts (being eaten after mutual orgasm, of course), and watch Lucifer slay his entire family (except for his youngest brother Baal, whom he merely infected with an annoying cold). As he sat in his throne-room thinking about today’s events, Lucifer looked a bit sad. Eddik entered the room (using the western door, of course), and asked what was the matter. “Nothing” said Lucifer. “But, my lord, are you not happy. Your dreams have come true!” But Lucifer was NOT happy. He needed to use the toilet...

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