Stories From The Head

The Smell Of Cabbage This was it. Ninja was caught in the thunderstorm, and there was no escape. He lived on top of the Zumikatta Mountains, and getting down was difficult enough in clear weather. The thunderstorm was raging, but all Ninja could think about was...sex! He’d just received his drivers-licence, and had driven all the way from Qulpen to attend his mother’s wedding. How he ended up stuck in a thunderstorm on his quick trip back home to put on his best suit, is anyone’s guess. His mother, Ullhøne, was severely disappointed in her son. There she was getting married for the seventh time, and her only child sat on top of a mountain fantasizing about how to successfully bring a donkey to the brim of orgasm, simply by using a pair of scissors. Ninja was having the time of his life, but part of him wanted, nay, needed, to attend the wedding. The donkey would have to wait. He ran out to his car (an old Garnado), got in, and stepped on the accelerator. Nothing happened, so he started the engine. He decided to take the trail made by the Indians during the first Great War. It was a terrible trail, overgrown, slippery, and full of happy people hitchhiking. In his rush to get down, Ninja ran over a couple of young boys. “Just as well,” he thought. “They were probably gay anyway”. He was right. They were Homer and Jock, the famous homosexuals from the country of Huntox. Now...they were dead. (Ninja had nothing personally against gays, but he loathed their irrational unwillingness to get intimate with midgets). He arrived at the church just in time to see the groom kissing his mother. Ninja had never noticed it before, but his stepfather was a hideous man. Not very appealing to look at, and his underwear smelled like cabbage. He knew what had to be done: His stepfather had to be killed before his marriage to his mother was consummated. It was all too clear what Æpotokos, as his stepfather was generally known, was planning. He wanted to use Ninja’s mother to breed a new batch of cabbage-smelling little bastards. “It must NOT be allowed to happen!” Ninja shouted. He put the Granado in the gear market “DANGER! FULL SPEED!!”, pressed the pedal to the metal, and ran over...HIS OWN MOTHER! Oh yes, at the last minute Ninja had realized that it was his mother, the whore, who wanted her offspring to be cabbage-smellers. It was horrible. Ninja put the car in reverse, and ran over his mother once again, just to be on the safe side. “Ah, life is rough,” he whispered to himself as he drove up the Zumikatta Mountains again. And he was right. Life IS rough. Well, at least the thunderstorm had stopped. Or had it...?

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