Stories From The Head

Prutto, The Human Jack-Hammer Prutto needed money. He was trying to get a job with a company of blacksmiths as a human jack-hammer, but he hadn’t received the approval of King Hasen to do so. This presented Prutto with a gigantic cash-flow problem (King Hasen's approval was needed to get a student loan, but Prutto's number was 0, not forty, which was the preferred number). He tried calling King Hasen on his antarrophone (same as a telephone, only slightly more beautiful to look at), but Prutto only reached his answering machine. Prutto got a strange sensation when he heard the message King Hasen had left there. At first he thought the sensation was a powerful craving for a young female (he hadn’t had sex for 2,5 years, which is a terrifying notion for any human being), but he soon realized it was the feeling that King Hasen message was strangely fitting of his own situation. The message was this: “PRUTTO, YOU MORON! YOU WILL RECEIVE NO APPROVAL FROM ME IN THIS LIFETIME!!!”. It was no coincidence. Prutto knew exactly what he needed: SURGERY! He phoned his good friend Dr. Djækel to schedule an appointment. “Hello, Prutto”. Dr. Djækel was a polite gentleman, and, as custom dictated, called Prutto by his surname, Prutto. “Prutto Prutto, son of the famous lawyer Prutto Prutto, and his esteemed wife, Prutto Prutto”. Dr. Djækel always researched the ancestry of his patients. “How may I help you today Prutto Prutto, and, more importantly, how is your grandfather, Prutto Prutto?” Prutto was getting quite annoyed. “He’s fine, but my grandmother, Prutto Prutto, recently died from a fatal beating administered by my great-grandfather, Prutto Huno”. “Well, that’s the way it goes” Dr. Djækel proclaimed solemnly, whilst removing Prutto’s clothes. “Now. I is asking: Say...Problem is...?” (Dr. Djækel sometimes chose not to speak in the manner most people considered to be “the way to express oneself”). Prutto took a deep breath. “I need financial support for my blacksmith apprenticeship.  want to be a certified human jack-hammer”. Prutto started crying the second he had uttered these brave words. “Who DOESN’T want to become a certified human jack-hammer” Dr Djækel sang as he inserted a comforting arm into Prutto’s behind. “King Hasen is giving me a hard time”, Prutto whispered, conquering the pain he felt from Dr. Djækel’s somewhat bizarre way of comforting him (THE ARM, REMEMBER?). “Can you help me, Dr. Djækel?....or should I say KING HASEN???????!!!!”.  Dr. Djækel/King Hasen’s facial expression changed in a tenth of a second. He grew several inches before he even CONSIDERED answering Prutto’s accusations. “Ach, zo you knov may tru identati?” He swiftly removed his arm from inside Prutto. “You are zmarter zan I kave you kredit phor, Prutto Prutto, zon of Prutto Pru...”. A quick slap ended Dr. Djækel/King Hasen’s attempts at diverting the attention from the money by going over Prutto’s forefathers one last time. Prutto looked at him. “You just sign the contract, and I’ll be on my way”. He’d won, and they both knew it. Dr. Djækel/King Hasen signed the contract, but, as Prutto was about to burn down the castle, two shapes appeared in the doorway. “So, my child, you are about to become a human jack-hammer?” It was Prutto Huno, Prutto’s great-grandfather. “Oh...and Dr. Djækel/King Hasen, why are you giving my great-grandchild such a hard time?” Dr. Djækel/King Hasen couldn’t speak. He just stared at the creature standing next to Prutto Huno. “Vat iz ze creature, I vonder...?” he stuttered. “This is my wife” Prutto Huno whispered. “Her name is...yes, you guessed it...PRUTTO HUNO!” At that moment, Prutto Prutto’s dream of becoming a human jack-hammer was fulfilled. It was a glorious moment...

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