Stories From The Head

Owning A Hønseblod Lupster just couldn’t stop vomiting. His hønseblod had been acting strangely for about a month, and Lupster stomach couldn’t handle it. But he knew he needed to possess it. It gave him the power he’d craved since he was a child. “Let me have some of your money” he would say to his closest friends. “Sure Lupster. As long as you don’t expose me to your hønseblod”. “WELL, LET ME HAVE THE FUCKING CASH, THEN!” Lupster was an amazingly rich man. BUT, despite what you might think, he owned other objects too. He possessed a mitrec for removing spleens. In the attic he’d found an old splittbaron for baking contra-cookies. He was an eager employer of the zilpa-machine, designed to make other people extremely cheerful. He’d even recently acquired a kakka-oven for roasting one’s own testicles. One day, Brutus, one of Lupster’s closest friends, decided he was sick and tired of being robbed of all his hard-earned money by a dirty hønseblod-owner. He swiftly mutated into a nubba-beast, and erected his adderløk. On the way to Lupster’s apartment, Brutus stopped at the insiro-store and bought something that might help him in his quest to teach Lupster a lesson. Lupster, of course, reacted immediately when his friend appeared in full nubba-beast mode, with an erect adderløk. “One more step, and I’m unleashing the hønseblod”. Brutus laughed. “Come on, you bastard,” he hissed. “Do your worst!” Lupster was shocked. “Are you crazy, Brutus?” he shouted. “I’ve been vomiting for so long, I can’t remember how it feels NOT to vomit. I can’t even begin to think what the hønseblod will do to you, with the shape it’s in”. Brutus could feel the vomit entering the second compartment of his nubba-beast stomach. “Well...Bring out your pathetic little hønseblod. Try me...” A stream of vomit was running down Brutus’ chin. The hønseblod entered the room. It wriggled and slithered like a young hairless monkey. Brutus stared the hønseblod right in the eye. “Is that all?” he asked. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” Lupster screamed. “IT’S A FUCKING HØNSEBLOD...AT THE PRIME OF ITS POWERS”. Brutus removed a bag hanging from his erect adderløk. “Check THIS out, Lupster, my friend”. He opened the bag. “CHRIST MAN! HAVE YOU GONE NUTS!?!” Lupster shouted, running for the nearest corner. Now even the hønseblod was vomiting. “Where did you get it?” Lupster asked. “At the insiro-store” Brutus replied, in an UNBELIEVABLY calm manner. Right there, between Brutus and Lupster it stood. Nobody had ever seen such a creature before, at least nobody human. “Do you know what it is?” Brutus inquired. Lupster nodded silently. He knew very well what it was. IT WAS...A DUNDERKATT!!! The hønseblod lay cowering in a corner (vomiting, of course), and Lupster IMMEDIATELY started paying back the money he’d taken from his friends. Brutus just stood there, smiling, looking at the dunderkatt. Then, without any warning...he started vomiting...

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