Stories From The Head

For The Love Of Honey This is the shocking tale of Bulasepp, the honey-loving Jew. To be enthralled by the nectar of the bees was not a normal thing in Bulasepp’s family. A Jewish honey-lover had not been seen in the Jewish community since the glorious days of Næbbosaft the invincible, who used honey in every meal (even as an accessory to snabeldrikk, the crazy bastard). So, Bulasepp was a bit of an outcast, but his friends respected him to a degree. “Bulasepp, wipe that honey off your face. I wish to talk to you” his good friend Ampopampo would say. “Your mother ha been killed, and your father has turned into a homosexual. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!”. It was the same old story, day in, day out. One day, though, Ampopampo was looking a bit down. “Slurp slurp slurp, Ampopampo. Slurp slurp” Bulasepp said, while consuming several gallons of fresh honey. “Slurp...your father...” he continued, with amazing quantities of honey still finding its way into his mouth. “Your father is dead, and your mother has turned into a lesbian...slurp”. Ampopampo didn’t see that one coming, and started laughing his head off. “The tables are turned, Ma Bulasepp” he hissed, and swiftly ate a spoonful of Bulasepp’s honey. Bulasepp stepped back as Ampopampo licked the honey-spoon clean. Then he too started laughing. A cold, hideous, strangely Jewish, laugh. “HA HA HA! YOU ATE THE HONEY, AND YOUR MOTHER’S A LESBIAN...BEWARE! BECAUSE I, BULASEPP, THE HONEY-LOVING JEW, AM NOW YOUR MOTHER. I COMMAND YOU...to get me some more honey...LOTS OF IT!” Ampopampo knew he had to obey his mother. As he was conquering the beehive, he noticed a small, red growth on his left shoulder, located at the exact same spot where a young bee had been making a terrible fuzz mere seconds before the noticing of the growth had taken place. At first he thought nothing of it, but soon Ampopampo got intrigued by this phenomenon. He consulted his friend and mentor, Julekuk. “’Tis but a bee-sting” the old sage began. “It will itch, and you must scratch it. That, my boy, is the way it shall be...” Julekuk had spoken. “Man, you’re so damn wise...” Ampopampo was stunned by the old man. He ran to confront Bulasepp with this information. “Bulasepp, you dirty little Jew!” he shouted. “I am now the owner of a BEE-STING!” Bulasepp backed away from his son, cringing. “You know what THAT means, don’t you?” Ampopampo continued. “I AM NOW...YOUR FATHER!!” Bulasepp felt his blood turn to ice. He sighed. “Well, seeing as you are my father, and I am your mother, we must get married”. Ampopampo turned away. “Yes, Bulasepp. We must live together as husband and cat”. Bulasepp, the honey-loving Jew, and Ampopampo, his only son and father, were wed by Julekuk the sage on the 14th of Hunnaputt, in the year 261. It was a beautiful ceremony, interrupted only by Ampopampo’s former mother, and her lesbian lover, Onk. Bulasepp and Ampopampo seemed extremely happy as they walked down the aisle, showered in acid. Even Onk appreciated it. Their marriage lasted for 27 hours...

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