Stories From The Head

Digesting The Pantergrøt ”Bark, bark, bark” said King Ononø’s dog. The king wasn’t really interested in making conversation with his dog. He’d just consumed a spoonful of pantergrøt, and wished to spend the rest of his life digesting it. “Bark?” the dog tried again. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU BITCHFUCKER!” the king howled. (He’d always had a reputation for being polite). Anyway, the dog stopped barking, and king Ononø got back to doing what he did best: Digesting the pantergrøt. His counsellor, Bråtthæst, had always been extremely interested in his lord’s digestive system. “Ho there! My lord” he would shout. “The pantergrøt? Have you digested it?” The king would smile, and say, with an overbearing tone of voice: “Getting there, my faithful servant...getting there...” King Ononø’s castle was a sad and cruel place, and the only entertainment available was watching the court jester freeze to death while gathering nuts for king Ononø’s pantergrøt. The king himself hadn’t moved from the kitchen table for 28 years (moving one’ s body was bad for the digestion, or so he’d heard), and the other members of the royal family had enough sense to leave him alone. “Bark, bark, bark” the dog sounded. He was extremely bored. He’d never gotten the taste of pantergrøt, and couldn’t really see what all the fuzz was about. He’d rather frolic in the lava-lake, chase barbed wire, or insert his jånep-stick into other dogs. Prince Dådyrbrus was worried about his father’s dog, and decided to take action. He listed up some alternatives: 1.              Putting the dog to sleep. Reason for it NOT being the solution: He would have to contact a veterinarian, and that could only mean one thing: SEX! 2.              Putting his father to sleep. Reason for it NOT being the solution: The pantergrøt hadn’t been digested yet. 3.              Putting himself to sleep Reason for it NOT being the solution: He wasn’t tired. 4.              Detonating a nuclear device. Reason for it NOT being the solution: He didn’t own a nuclear device, he’d never even heard of one. 5.              Unleashing the Mjødhora. Reason for it NOT being the solution: The Mjødhora was drunk. In the end, prince Dådyrbrus decided not to take action after all. He went into the citchen. Then he left the citchen and went into the kitchen, where the dog was barking endlessly at the king, who in turn was screaming “I’M DIGESTING, YOU COCKSUCKER! IM DIGESTING!” Prince Dådyrbrus shook his head. “This country is going to the dogs,” he whispered to himself. In many ways, he was right...

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