Stories From The Head

The Dance Of the Pukka-Ants “The kattefot has caught fire! The kattefot is burning!” The streets were filled with people shouting, running, masturbating; it was pandemonium. Svækter was standing in a doorway watching the chaos unfold before his very eyes. He was a young man. A beautiful young man, and he knew it. In the past he’d used his beauty for noble purposes (peace, happiness, sex), but tonight he’d unleashed hell onto the world. The kattefot was, if you hadn’t already guessed it, the most treasured object in the known universe. (The most treasured object in the unknown universe was a little monkey called Leif, but who cares about that now?) Svækter HATED the kattefot for being more worshiped than him, and he’d always dreamed of destroying it. His father, Jålebente, had repeatedly warned him against these thoughts. “They are impure,” he would say, before inflicting severe pain on Svækter’s left middle finger (the only means of communication open to Svækter). These sessions caused Svækter to rely solely on his good looks, as any self-respecting young man would. But, despite being more or less incapable of communication, he’d managed to set fire to the kattefot. As he relished in the sight of screaming women and children, Svækter failed to notice something important: A crowd of Pukka-Ants had gathered in the small square right in front of the burning kattefot. And even worse...THEY WERE DANCING. Oh, it was a terrible thing to behold. When Svækter saw what was going on, his pubic hair turned purple in an instant. He started listening to the song the Pukka-Ants were chanting. “Zzz zzz zz”. It was unbearable. “Aaaaaargh!” Svækter screamed. The Pukka-Ants fell silent. They had never heard Svækter scream before, and were quite taken by surprise. “Zzz...zz...z” they sang, but it was no use. Svækter had defeated the ants. He was a very happy man. UNTIL...he saw the kattefot. It was intact, and people had started worshiping it again. The Pukka-Ants’ cunning plan had worked. They had diverted Svækter’s attention, and the local fire fighter (Jonne) had put out the burning kattefot with his hose (not his “love-hose”, of course, his “regular” hose, you sex-crazed lunatic). For the first time in his life, Svækter wept. So did the Pukka-Ants. They wanted to finish their song...

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