Stories From The Head

The Near-Complete Bønjo It was to be a glorious day in the kingdom of Asina. The president, Ølkondom, had requested a bønjo to be delivered to his palace at noon, and large crowds had gathered on the enormous parking-lot (2 x 4 feet). The crowd, which consisted of Jennep, the inventor, and Jennup, the non-inventor, was going crazy with anticipation. When the great moment arrived, the object that was delivered came under intense scrutinization by the inhabitants of Asina (Jennep, Jennup and president Ølkondom), and a flaw was detected. The hapenot was in place, the jurroc was right where it was supposed to be, the ålhått was situated at the bottom of the bønjo...BUT...the ejejen was missing! “Shit” president Ølkondom hissed. “This is not a complete bønjo!” “No kidding, Mr. president”, Jennup thought to himself. They all knew that the main ingredient of an ejejen was kreps, and that wouldn’t be invented for several years. The silence was unbearable. Jennep broke it. “I have some kreps at my place”, he whispered. “IMPOSSIBLE” the president shouted. Jennup looked Jennep straight in the eyes. “How come you have some kreps at home?” He was speaking veeery slowly. “To make kreps you need akkenakke, and that has been extinct for several minutes”. President Ølkondom nodded silently. “Eh...” Jennep knew he had to come clean. “An old gubbe brought me some” he said, looking down. “AN OLD GUBBE BROUGHT YOU SOME AKKANAKKE???!!” The president was losing it. “Please, sir, let me handle this” Jennup whispered. “Jennep, my friend. How can this be? An old gubbe hasn’t been born yet. Where, do you think, he could have come from?” Jennep looked at the president. “He came from the future” he said, carefully dodging the bullets, which were being fired from the president’s personal gun, Edvart. “I brought him here in my time machine”. A sign of relief came across Jennup’s face. “Well, run along home and get the kreps”, Jennup said to Jennep, and Jennep did as Jennup had said. Jennup and president Ølkondom waited for about 18 seconds before the started calling Jennep on hiss cell-phone. “WHERE IS THE KREPS YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!” they demanded to know. “It’s right here” Jennep whispered, emerging from his extremocycle. And there it was. Real kreps. Blue, honta-shaped, and terrifying to look at. They swiftly inserted it into the near-complete bønjo, filling it with båx (or ejejen, as it was known in certain circles), and the bønjo was complete. Suddenly, in a tenth of a second, Jennup jumped several feet up into the air. “YOUR TIME MACHINE” he shouted. “TIME MACHINES HAVEN’T BEEN INVENTED YET: WHERE DID YOU GET ONE???!!” Jennep turned pale. ”Well...” he started. “A man travelled back in time with the blueprints. I just followed the instructions, as I always do”. Jennup grabbed a hold of Jennep’s collar “WHO WAS THIS MAN?” he politely inquired. “Well he called himself “President Ølkondom”, and looked amazingly like our friend president Ølkondom”. Jennep and Jennup looked at each other. “PRESIDENT ØLKONDOM!!??” They turned around. All they could see was the smoke from Jennep's extremocycle, and they could hear president Ølkondom’s hideous laughter. “Well, now we know why he needed the bønjo”, Jennup sighed. They both knew what they had to do: MAKE ANOTHER BØNJO! All they needed was some kreps...

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