Stories From The Head

The Cursed Wheelchair Life had never been easy for Sommerjøde. He had never been able to keep a steady relationship, his family threw up every time he visited them, and his friends would sometimes kill him and dump the body in a tiny lake, just for the hell of it. Still, Sommerjøde found pleasure in the smaller things in life. The sound of a small kitten being drowned, a child’s agony over a freshly broken leg, and the thought of people starving in poor countries. These things may seem strangely entertaining for a normal person, but they were exactly what Sommerjøde needed to get through the day. “Hello, little one” he once whispered to an old man in a wheelchair. “May I borrow your wheelchair? I want to roam the land in it”. The old man, whose name was Æsel, reluctantly rented the wheelchair to Sommerjøde for 100 pieces of wood, and Sommerjøde immediately started roaming. As you may have guessed, the old man was an evil sorcerer who specialized in renting cursed wheelchairs to people with psychological defects, and as such he was to be considered highly dangerous. Sommerjøde died four minutes after he started his roaming, and Æsel applauded silently while placing a curse on another wheelchair. You have to understand that Æsel had nothing against his customers, personally, but, being an evil wizard, he HAD to do evil things. His parents, Grusom and Horefar, had tried to enroll him in a school where you learned to make flower-arrangements, but cursing wheelchairs had always been Æsel’s dream, so they tried to be as supportive as they could (locking him in his room, cutting off his right arm, saying “you must NOT curse wheelchairs” etc.). One day a young giant (4 “) entered Æsel’s lair. He wore a skirt, and carried with him an enormous hammer (4”). “I MUST OWN A CURSED WHEELCHAIR. GIVE ME A CURSED WHEELCHAIR. NOW! WHERE IS MY CURSED WHEELCHAIR? ÆSEL? ÆSEL, ARE YOU THERE? HELLO! I WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE A CURSED WHEELCHAIR. WHERE IS MY CURSED WHEELCHAIR? EXCUSE ME...IS THIS WHERE I PURCHASE CURSED WHEELCHAIRS? HMMM...ONE CURSED WHEELCHAIR, PLEASE!” The giant really knew what he wanted. Æsel emerged from his coffin with a pained expression on his face. “I cannot give you a cursed wheelchair” he said, solemnly. “DANM!” said the giant. “But I can give you this”, Æsel whispered before he silently passed away in front of the Giant. “THANK YOU VERY MUCH” said the giant as he looked at the beautiful flower-arrangement in front of him. “I AM VERY HAPPY NOW!”. The strange thing is...so was Æsel...

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