Stories From The Head

The Cup Of Life Bjøddas was the ruler of the known universe. Or so he thought. He was actually the ruler of a small cup of coffee situated beneath his jaw-bone (it had been placed there during his mother’s funeral, which was strange seeing as his mother was still alive). Anyway, Bjøddas was the ruler of the known universe (the cup, remember?), and he was a wise ruler. He never complained, even when the peasants revolted because of low caffeine content, or of the cup being more or less empty (except for revolting peasants and some low-caffeine coffee). He didn’t even raise an eyebrow when the terrible dragon of Zahooba breathed fire on his children (he had none), or when his prime minister made off with his wife and most of the gold in his treasury. But once, and only once, Bjøddas got angry. A young knight named Ubor had made a tiny crack in the cup, and Bjøddas was furious. “YOU DARE MAKE A CRACK IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE, YOU SON OF A WHORE, YOU DAUGHTER OF A THOUSAND MOTHERS. YOU INSECT. YOUR MOTHER WAS NOT ONLY A PROSTITUTE, BUT ALSO A CARPENTER. YOUR UNCLE SLEEPS WITH YOUNG BADGERS, AND YOUR AUNT HAS REGULAR INTERCOURSE WITH A MOLE!”. He was fuming. Then he cooled of. “Carry on...” he said, wiping his forehead. “Oooohhh, that felt good”, he whispered. “Really good...”...

Back