Stories From The Head

You Can Be a Cop About seven years ago I received a letter addressed to Mr Otto Pach 911 Juster Ave. Olmoc. Now, my name isn't Otto Pach and, at the time, I was living with my mother, Hundeben, at 7 Huhuc Street, so I guess I have fate to thank for the direction my life has taken. Despite my mother's verbal (and physical) objections, I opened the letter, and the very first sentence changed my life: "YOU CAN BE A COP". I later realized that Mr Otto Pach had sent for an application form for the national police academy, but back then I was unable to think clearly. The moment I read the words "you can be a cop", I BECAME A COP! I had no idea what a cop actually did, so I immediately started enforcing the "law". One of the main tasks I gave myself (after purchasing a helmet, several guns, candy, two black shirts, a canary (to be employed as a siren), and loads and loads of nerve-gas) was to try to rectify one of the biggest problems this society has: CHILDREN! I needed to get rid of every last one of them. As most of you probably have noticed, I succeeded. I won't go into detail about how I did it. Suffice to say, the candy and the nerve-gas came in handy. My next assignment was to start a riot downtown, and then go looting when things calmed down. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I'm a wealthy man today. For 20 years* I carried out these "missions", and gave myself "assignments", and let me tell you - being a cop is GREAT. Before I die (from the fatal obesity I have contracted by eating at all times, I want to take this opportunity to thank the following people: The postman (for doing what, I assume, is his job) Otto Pach (for having a dream) My mother, Hundeben (for being so out of shape that I easily managed to open the letter, despite her objections) The nerve-gas-salesman (Damn! I really hated those children) Lomacho Zingvel (whom I've never met) And please remember, all you lovely people out there: YOU CAN BE A COP...   *Though I only received the letter seven years ago, I can clearly remember being a cop for the last twenty years. Please take some time to ponder this fact...

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