Stories From The Head

Oi oi oi! What a Silly Remark “Æ flirt så leppa revna!” Pancho had never meant for his throwaway remark to have the effect it did. He’d blurted it out at a party, fully aware that neither he nor the other participants had the faintest idea what it meant. The room had fallen silent the second the remark fell, and never had the room experienced the quietness it now felt. (The room had heard stories of a quieter room located in the northern part of the world, but it had never taken any notice of them. “Old wives tales” it would say to the corridors, and the corridors would answer “You just watch yourself. Someday you may become a quiet room yourself”. But the room didn’t care. It berated the corridors for disrespecting a room of such infinite size, and even called them “SWV” (Soulless Walking Veins). As it tasted the gruesome quietness, the room shuddered at the thought of what the corridors would say about all this. But that’s another story (more precisely “The Corridors of Castle Zenbako Strike Back”).) Pancho had felt like a leper. The party had continued after a couple hours of silence, but nobody spoke to him. He decided to leave, receiving several beatings on the way out. He took a cab to his mother’s house, but found the doors and windows bolted shut. Peering through a crack in the wall, he noticed his mothers limp body hanging on a wall. She’d been crucified. The words “LEPA REVVNA, EH?” were scrawled across her abdomen. Pancho was devastated. “One silly remark and they crucify my mother!” he thought to himself. He soon forgot about his dead mum, and decided to find out what the remark meant. He tracked down an expert in ancient languages, killed him, and continued his quest for the meaning of the sentence. In a bar, Pancho stumbled upon an old jazz-musician, and they started chatting. After a couple of hours, our hero revealed his identity, and the sax-player told him that he’d been foretold of his coming. Pancho was overjoyed. The old man said he knew what the remark meant, and that he would reveal it for seven packs of gum (jazz is commonly known as “The Idiot’s Music”). Pancho agreed, and the old bastard told him that in the ancient tongue of Petterpreik, the words meant “Hey! May I have your attention, please! My name is Pancho, and I’d like to say thanks for inviting me to your party. Fuck everyone, everywhere!” As the jazz-musician calmly chewed his gum, Pancho came to a terrible realization: Nobody at the party could have known what the words meant! Only the jazz-musician and his wife, Fista, could speak Petterpreik. Then he noticed it… HIS FLY WAS OPEN! When the remark had fallen, everyone had turned around, curious about the strange and melodious language he was speaking. They had seen his open fly, and reacted in the customary way. Pancho was crucified next to his mother, and, in the corner of the room, the jazz-musician put another stick of gum in his mouth. “All in a day’s work” he thought to himself as he chewed. “All in a day’s work”…

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