Stories From The Head

Guran Tries to Inject his Oldest Nephew with an Unhealthy Dose of Nissemelk "Have a sip of nissemelk", Guran said to his young nephews. Although all nine of them knew that nissemelk was bad for them, they trusted their uncle's judgment (no wonder, as they were between the ages of 7 weeks and 2 months). Tynigob (the youngest) was the first to approach the flask. "I...not...sure" he stuttered. Guran tried desperately to hide his excitement over the fact that his nephew had uttered his first words, and patted him on the head. "You will drink it, my boy" he whispered. "Or you will have to spend Christmas in the spider-drawer". Tynigob immediately took a swig of the nissemelk-flask. Guran smiled, and shifted his attention to his oldest nephew, Tynigob. "Go on, little one" he offered. "Have a taste". Tynigob shook his head. Guran had anticipated this, so he removed a syringe from his suitcase. The child didn't budge. "Ah, a stubborn one" Guran hissed. "Just like your father". Three years earlier, Guran had murdered his own brother and his wife, Tynigob, and adopted their nine children (who, ironically, weren't born at the time of the murder). Tynigob was cowering in a corner as he saw his uncle approaching his older brother with a syringe full of nissemelk. He decided to take action. A strange and disgusting smell filled the room, as Tynigob quietly soiled himself (the only viable course of action for the child, as he had yet to learn how to walk or crawl). "Damn" Guran said as he put down the syringe to change Tynigob's diaper. You see, Guran took his duties as an adoptive father quite seriously, and he treated the young ones as if they were his own. "There you go, my sweet little Tynigob" he whispered to his little son. "Now you are clean as a whistle". Having changed the diaper, Guran decided to get back to the injection of nissemelk. As he spun around he felt a sharp pain in his left testicle. He looked down, and saw that the syringe was stuck in his western (as Guran was facing north) ball. To his surprise, the syringe was empty, as Tynigob had just finished injecting its contents into his uncle's reproductive-organ. "GREAT PLAN, MY SON" Guran screamed at the little one. "Now that my balls are full of nissemelk, I can father a child of my own" He was overjoyed. "And it won't be an ordinary child" he continued, while getting on the phone to call a prostitute to impregnate. "Oh, no. It will be a young nisseboy". The children rejoiced, and three hours later a woman of little importance gave birth to a tiny nisseboy. He was named...Tynigob...

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