Spidersand
Mekanotur was having the time of his life. He loved nothing more than a day on the beach, but he hated crowds. Even though he got up at the crack of dawn, rode his high-speed motor-alin to the beach, put up roadblocks and shark-warnings everywhere, other people would always invade his privacy. “Public beaches”, he would grumble. “God-damned communists!” Mekanotur had almost run out of beaches when he one day found an old book called “The Legend of the Ancient Beach”. He’d always read anything beach-related, but this book struck him as different. Although it was written as a work of fiction, Mekanotur suspected it could lead him to an actual ancient beach. The names and places in the book related to real people and places, and that was not considered normal in the world of literature. (In Mekanotur’s society, writers always gave their characters silly names like Bojjon, Wesserham, Gandalf and Klamstakkatu, and the only locations they referred to were the Zumikatta-mountains or the Zummikatta-mountains). The ancient beach referred to in the book was known as Spidersand. It was to be found at the bottom of the Zumikata-mountains, but Mekanotur could find no directions how to get there. As he lay on his local beach (constantly pestered by happy children, loving couples and horny panthers), he examined the book from cover to cover. After hours of careful scrutiny, Mekanotur discovered something: ON THE VERY FIRST PAGE THERE WAS A MAP! It was a map of the known world, with one major difference: The Zumikata-mountains were included. (This was considered impolite, as there was no beach located nearby. All maps showed only the location of all beaches, and the city, town or village located nearby.)
Little was known about the land of Bechterevs, except that the three beaches located there were considered rather tacky. The best beaches were located in Kochterland (land of the four fjords, where Mekanotur lived), but Siba’s beaches were filling up faster and faster.
Mekanotur (naturally) decided to leave Låmdåm, and set sail for the country of Bechterevs. He brought only a few things:
1) A towel
2) A bathing suit
3) A crossword-puzzle
4) A panther
5) Suntan-lotion
The trip was long, arduous, and incredibly boring. Mekanotur spent the days scuba-diving, wakeboarding, waterskiing, drinking, cuddling his panther, discovering unknown islands, swimming with sharks, octopus-hunting, and other mundane activities. When the two-day journey was over, Mekanotur was worn out. But he wanted to find Spidersand, so he immediately chartered a moped to take him to the Zumikata-mountains. Days later he saw them, and they were truly a sight to behold. But Mekanotur didn’t care. He hated mountains, and, after paying the chauffeur (a midget named Oveh), he started looking for the beach of his dreams. He’d envisioned spending weeks, months, maybe years searching for it, but to his surprise, he soon found a sign pointing to Spidersand. Beside himself with joy, Mekanotur ran as fast as he could. His pulse was racing, the hairs at the back of his neck tingled, and his palms were sweating ferociously. The he saw it. It was the most beautiful place ever created by man (or God, depending on your beliefs). The ocean was blue, the sand was yellow, and… THERE WERE NO PEOPLE THERE. Weeping with joy, Mekanotur spread his towel out on the sand, put on suntan-lotion, hugged his panther, and lay down with the most challenging crossword-puzzle known to man. Hours went by, and our beach-loving hero had never before felt such happiness. He burst into song several times (“Let’s go to the Beach” by Weiner), and soon fell into the most relaxing sleep ever. When he woke up things had changed radically. He was no longer on top of the sand. The sand was on top of him. Resisting the urge to panic, Mekanotur calmly examined his surroundings. There was something wrong with the sand. He tried to focus his eyes on a single grain, and then he saw it: IT WAS A SPIDER. Spidersand was the playground of trillions of sand-colored spiders, and Mekanotur had involuntarily joined in their games. As the spiders frolicked happily all around, examining every crevice in his body, Mekanotur cursed himself for not reading the chapter “What is Spidersand, and why should one never venture there”, but he wasn’t truly unhappy with dying in this manner. “This has been the best day of my life”, he thought to himself, relishing in the irony of the fact that it would also be his last. From a distance, Oveh, the moped-driving midget, watched the demise of Mekanotur. “One born every minute”, he snickered, cuddling the panther. “One born every minute…”…
