Obtaining a Father
Lakunnamabåj longed for a father. He truly loved the one he had, but, as he was the most spoiled brat known to mankind, Lakunnamabåj desperately wanted another one. He needed someone to take him on safaris and fishing-trips. Someone who would bring him along when they went away on business, and who could teach him everything there was to know about bull-fighting. His old father, Bertbertrand, was the outdoorsy type, and often took Lakunnamabåj ice-skating, riding (bare-back and saddle), mountain-biking, monkey-handling, paragliding, jummagliding, headhunting, rafting, drinking, camping, protesting, rock-smashing, tadpole-beating, snorkeling, war-mongering, acid-swimming, railroad-building, polluting, bowling, sowing, mowing (the lawn), dating, fire-breathing, underwater-breathing, space-traveling, and, occasionally, mountaineering. But Lakunnamabåj wanted more. He wanted to go boating, dancing, praying, otter-hunting, shooting, browsing, egg-hunting, beast-watching and garbage-sorting. And he wanted someone who would pick him up, put him in a wheelchair and tell him that he was a “precious little boy” (Bertbertrand did this all the time, but, by some sick coincidence, Lakunnamabåj was never listening).
After weeks of crying, pleading, kicking, screaming, self-medicating, dog-beating, vomiting, razor-licking, shouting, committing suicide, tossing and turning, Lakunnamabåj convinced his father to compile a list of suitable candidates for the position of 2nd father (or father #2). He came up with the following people:
Himer Svinbølge Jørvern Inamotabunn Øtric Limdrank
Xavier Hylleboch Z Arviksvegen Grrrrrrrrr Underbar
Opiom Lanz
Lum X Sjoko HinderbanetAfter reviewing the applicants carefully, Lakunnamabåj decided that only one of them was eligible (yellow, glasses, bottom-left corner). He was devastated to learn that the guy was allergic to eggs (Lakunnamabåj was adamant about the egg-hunting), so he was instantly disqualified (and slaughtered). After weeks of comforting, cuddling, bribing, eating, sweating, swearing and sneezing, Bertbertrand picked his son up, put him in a wheelchair and told him that he was a “precious little boy”. Then they went dragon-kissing together. They had a hell of a time…
