Stories From The Head

Lemurre One sunny day, beneath the scorching desert sun, a young lemurre was quietly contemplating suicide. Suddenly, it decided that life was the greatest gift a lemurre could receive, and chose instead to murder his own butler. This was a desperate attempt to make sure the butler wasn’t blamed for the murder. It worked. The young lemurre was arrested and sentenced to life in prison. The only way out was to write a nice little song praising the virtues of canned prunes. I don’t have to tell you that the lemurre was quite a happy little fellow as it wrote song after song, incarcerated in a 4’ x 12” cell. So I won’t. The lemurre had never tasted canned prunes, but took enormous pleasure in the fact that the butler was off the hook. He’d loved that butler like it was his own, which it was. At one point, the young lemurre decided to break out of prison, but it failed miserably, so it took to writing again. Years later it had come up with a verse it was happy with, and published it under the name “Hærrmann”:      This is a lovely little tune      About a canned prune      It’s brown and wrinkly      Its juice is drinkly      Oh, it is a nice little prune Needless to say, it was a success, and the young lemurre was soon found dead. The butler was arrested three days later…

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