Stories From The Head

I Love the Computer Munin was, amazingly enough, a happy man. He had several friends, several pets, was infected by several rare diseases, and had been married to several different women (or men). He was one of the few genuinely happy men on the face of the earth, and he was not afraid to show it. Sadly, this was about to change. You see, Munin had recently acquired what is commonly know as a “computer”, one of the most dangerous contraptions ever built (in the same league as hang-gliders, paper clips, and that horrible machine designed to make your pants fall down at awkward moments, such as Christmas or during sex). Munin had been looking for a new vacuum-cleaner, as he was troubled by a lot of vacuum in his apartment. He was browsing through the shelves of a large warehouse, when he suddenly heard a strangely seductive buzzing sound. He turned around, but saw nothing. He quickly ran to the other side of the aisle (not giving the nearby pant-dropping machine as much as a glance), and there they met! Oh, the computer had been so charming at first, buzzing happily, beeping, playing music, even allowing Munin to experience a new form of communication known as Langskanksnakk! They had played solitaire together, written letters, painted silly pictures… Everything seemed perfect. Then, one day, it all changed. The computer would suddenly stop responding. It rarely followed orders, and started displaying a strange message on the screen when Munin tried to access it: “WORKING”. “How could you do this? How could you get a job without consulting me?” Munin demanded of his companion. No response. Sometimes the screen would go totally blank, and Munin was devastated. “He can’t even look at me…” he thought to himself. Things were looking mighty grim for our main-man Munin, when he suddenly figured out what to do. “The computer won’t respond, so I have no choice but to… ENTER IT!” He loosened the screws, removed the panel at the side of the computer, and, with all his might, pushed his oversized body inside. Then he reattached the panel. It wasn’t until much later that Munin discovered that his body wouldn’t fit inside the computer, and by then it was too late. “I love you, computer” he whispered as his pulverized bones entered his bloodstream, making him dizzy and weak. But it was to no avail. The computer was already dead, and so, my dear friends, am I…

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