Stories From The Head

“Shiver Me Timbers, Señor Ollyham!” Testermester enjoyed his cup of jizz, even though it contained his least favorite substance – æplegrøt. He felt a burning sensation in his womb, so he decided to exit through the tiny door at the bottom of his dog’s moustache. Things were running smoothly. He knew a couple of people in the pirating business, and felt he would have no difficulties in obtaining a wooden key for his uncle. The young, stunningly beautiful author didn’t know what to make of all this. All he wanted was to write an engaging tale entitled “Shiver Me Timbers, Señor Ollyham!”, but as he reread the story several weeks later, he realized it would turn out to be one of his crappiest efforts. He immediately tried to drown himself, but because of the low tide, he found it rather tiresome. He wrote a song instead:      I like to make up stories      I love to sit and write      I always say “no worries”      I never feel uptight        My auntie says she’s happy      My cousin says so too      I find it rather sappy      I know it isn’t true        So…      Shiver me timbers, señor Ollyham      Shiver me timbers, shiver me logs      I feel like a midget, I think like a clown      So shiver me timbers, señor Ollyyyyyhaaaaaaaaaam!   Then, and only then, could the story end…

Back