Stories From The Head

Wordz of Wisdom Tæglstein loathed people who used words like “oomph”, “pizzazz” and “zest” to describe things. He knew what the words meant, but he considered them to be a symptom of a disease which had infested the language he loved. He called the disease “kråkespråk”, and defined it as a cancer that caused people to use words that clearly should mean something else. Seeing as Tæglstein died of a terrible cold seven minutes ago, I’ve picked up the torch and written down some examples (clearly the most scientific way to explain one’s theories): * SMALL -          should never be used to describe something that isn’t very big. It is clearly a way to describe a large explosion. A SMALL! * ENTERTAINMENT -  a question relating to whether someone wants to visit a tainment. ENTERTAINMENT? (If, indeed such a thing as a “tainment” exists (If it doesn’t, the word should be abolished).) * PIZZAZZ -        this formerly mentioned word should from now on only be used to describe several pizzas. * REPORT -         to be used when you “port” for the second time. * STATION -        should be used to encourage Tion to stay. * DOLLAR -         must under no circumstances be used to describe anything but a male doll. The word “$” may also be used. Now, one may argue that words are words, and that they shouldn’t really be tampered with, but one must then take into consideration that the word “tonic” is in no way sufficient to describe a refreshing soft-drink. It should be called “namvainn”, or “jordgubbsaft”. “Car” is clearly too small (classic meaning) a word to describe an automobile. “Hjulfather” or “kjøretøy” is way more appropriate. Now try this on for size. A boring sentence like “Utrecht the male doll was drinking tonic when his car exploded” would turn into the infinitely more poetic “Utrecht $ was drinking namvainn when his hjulfather small”. Exquisite? Well, maybe not. Thank God Tæglstein died…

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