Stories From The Head

Hamstermania “…the hamster will probably react violently to the first part of the treatment. The second part may, however,  be more rewarding to the little bastard”. Mimje had just bought a brand new “Pleasure Kit”, and had just finished translating the instructions. “The hamster must be severely shaken before it is carefully inserted into one’s “fjord”. Then, and only then, will the disorientation reach full effect”. A light shudder, followed by annoying fits of doubt about his abilities as a lover, came over Mimje. He immediately reassured the hamster that the process would benefit both man- and hamsterkind. The hamster was NOT reassured. It had been prowling the area looking for ways to broaden its horizons, when Mimje had caught it, employing a plastic bag, 3 oz of plutonium and a young bear. Mimje knew what he was doing was wrong but he just couldn’t help himself. He wasn’t normally the type to experiment with his own body in this manner, but the process had been warmly recommended by his uncle Tucaman, a self-made beggar. He had initially approached the whole thing with a clinical professionalism, but as it progressed, Mimje realized that he’d become emotionally involved – HE’D FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THE HAMSTER! Oblivious to this, the tiny creature had devised a brilliant plan to get out of the whole thing. He would convince Mimje that he was uncle Tucaman (an amazing coincidence, seeing as the hamster was totally unaware of the existence of such an uncle), and build an empire founded on money inherited from Mimje’s estate. The catch was that Mimje’s death was not part of the plan, so the inheritance would be hard to come by. Suddenly, a lot of time passed, and before they knew it, three things had happened: Uncle Tucaman had been replaced by an apple. The hamster had been replaced by an apple. Mimje had been replaced by an apple. Then… the three apples lived happily ever after...

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