Stories From The Head

The following article was published in a scientific magazine three weeks ago: INVINCIBLE or INVISIBLE? The question I have based my headline on, is one that has baffled scientists for centuries. I have therefore made it my mission in life to understand the difference between these three concepts. My first discovery was that there were only TWO concepts to concentrate on, as “or” is just a tiny word making the sentence into a question. One of life’s ironies… Anyway, I have studied the matter thoroughly, and my conclusion is this! Now, that may be a bit vague for some of you, so I will try to elaborate to satisfy the large, unenlightened masses: Let’s start by asking a few simple questions; which is more powerful? An INVINCIBLE maggot, or (that word, again!) an INVISIBLE loaf of bread? “The invincible maggot, of course” some of you may argue. But, NO! The invincible maggot will conquer you IF you were to attack it. If you were to leave it alone, it would simply slither along the garden path, minding its own business. The invisible loaf of bread, on the other hand, is a far more dangerous creature. You see, since you cannot SEE the invisible loaf of bread, you would not be able to EAT it, and you would starve to death! THE INVISIBLE LOAF OF BREAD WILL KILL YOU, THE INVINCIBLE MAGGOT WON’T! Still not convinced? Try this hypothesis on for size, then: AN INVISIBLE MIDGET IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN AN INVINCIBLE MIDGET! Confused? Don’t be. If you were to walk along the garden path and encounter      a) an invincible midget b) an invisible midget The following scenarios would take place: a)              As you walk along the garden path, you can clearly see an invincible midget standing on the path. The path is too narrow, so you can’t walk around him. It is considered rude to jump over a midget’s head, so that’s out of the question, too. So, you walk straight ahead, and stumble on the midget, falling flat on your face. The invincible midget gets angry, and beats you to a pulp. When you are hospitalized, your family comes to visit. You tell them what happened, and they assure you that everything will be all right, and care for you the rest of your life. b)              As you walk along the garden path, you cannot see anything in front of you. You suddenly stumble on something midget-shaped, and fall flat on your face. When your family comes to visit you in the hospital, you tell them that you couldn’t see anything in front of you, but you suddenly tripped on something midget-shaped. Your family will then laugh at you, and your father (or your sister, depending on how “things” are done in your family) will shout: “OH, HE’S A LOONY! GET THE TAR AND FEATHERS; WE HAVE SOME LYNCHING TO DO!” AN INVISIBLE MIDGET IS CLEARLY MORE DANGEROUS THAN AN INVINCIBLE MIDGET! Well, next week we’ll be discussing the question: Which came first? The chicken or the egg? The answer is, of course – the hoola-hoop…

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