The Beautiful Crippled
Midget
Wunderbaum was a beautiful
cripple. Wunderbaum was a beautiful midget. Wunderbaum was a beautiful
crippled midget. That is, he THOUGHT he was a beautiful crippled midget. In
real life, he was an ordinary man of ordinary height. Besides, he was not
particularly beautiful. He did not disclose this horrifying fact until one
day, when he accidentally passed a mirror. Noticing his reflection, he
exclaimed: "What an ugly non-crippled non-midg@t!" (Until this day,
Wunderbaum had still not been able to grasp the concept of the Mutussian
vowel system. The correct pronunciation would be, needless to say, /midgot/.)
All of a sudden, he realized that this ugly non-crippled non-midget was
impersonating his movements. At that very moment, it became clear to him
that this was his twin brother, Kontorstein. This meant that he, Wunderbaum,
was an ugly non-crippled non-midget himself. His world of illusions crumbled
to pieces. It appeared to him that he had three alternatives:
1) Keep on being an ugly non-crippled non-midget. (severe)
2) Stop being ugly non-crippled non-midget. (easy)
3) Become a beautiful crippled midget. (impossible)
4) Become two beautiful crippled midgets. (possible, but extremely painful)
Wunderbaum decided to go for number 5. (His mathematical skills were clearly
underdeveloped.)
Six years earlier:
"Hi, there Ratossa! Wanna grab a luhamma-beer?" "No thanks, Katros. I'm
thinking of becoming one of those beautiful crippled midgets, and perhaps
calling myself "Wunderbaum". Haven't you seen that commercial on TV?" But
Katros had no TV-set, which meant he hadn't seen any commercial on TV.
Real time:
Holding a bottle of luhamma-beer, Ratossa walked up to Wunderbaum, saying:
"Hello there, Katros...or perhaps I should call you "Wunderbaum" now?" "Ratossa,
is that you?", Wunderbaum uttered. He went on: "But....I thought you didn't
have a TV?" Ratossa just couldn't help laughing: "Fa, fa, fa...Katros,
Katros, Katros...haven't you ever heard about THE CINEMA? Now, let us
see...you chose number 5, did you not? LET OUT THE SHRIMPS!!!!!!
