Stories From The Head

A Man, A Midget, and A Tiny Seahorse Himmakniv had everything going for her. She was ugly, she was poor, and she was alive. She was, in short, a catch. But she wanted more. She wanted three things: 1.              A man. 2.              A Midget. 3.              A tiny seahorse. This is the story of how she acquired these things, and the consequences of these acquisitions. The Man: This was a tough one. Men hadn’t been around for quite a while, seeing as they were considered unfashionable. There were rumors going around that a man had been sighted in the northern part of town, but these were greatly exaggerated. It turned out to be a piece of wire. (People were uncertain as to the appearance of men, but there were descriptions dating as far back as last night). Himmakniv decided to ask her uncle, Moder’s, advice. Uncle Moder was a loner. The problem was that he loved people, so he constantly entertained in his three-bedroom apartment. Himmakniv cut right to the chase, and asked her uncle: “Are you a man?”, whereupon Uncle Moder replied “No, I am an uncle!” Himmakniv decided not to pursue this discussion, and settled for the next best thing: A piece of wire. The Midget: Midgets were viewed in much the same manner as their forefathers, children: Happy, violent, and unusually stupid. Himmakniv didn’t know any midgets, but she traveled cross-country to a village called Beffoby to visit a wise man. The man was neither wise, nor a man, but it was considered polite to speak of him as both. (He was merely 2 feet tall – his own feet, that is, not that ghastly measuring-unit). After questioning him on the subject of midgets, Himmakniv decided he would do. He would be her midget. The Tiny Seahorse: Himmakniv went to the nearest seahorse-store, and bought the tiniest specimen she could find. Now, as Himmakniv had achieved all the goals she had set for herself… 1.              A Man (a piece of wire) 2.              A Midget (a wise man) 3.              A Tiny Seahorse (…) …she died a lonely death. The wise man went back to Beffoby, and the seahorse drowned. Himmakniv was no longer ugly (death is SO refreshing for the human body), she was wealthy because of the scholarship dead people receive, and she was dead. In short, Himmakniv had nothing. Nothing but a piece of wire…

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