Stories From The Head

Of Arms & Cats Klemet couldn’t quite recall the last time he had been DIRECTLY exposed to lotus-rays, but the reason was probably that this was the first time ever. Klemet did not let this fact bug him more than necessary, although he loved his entire family: His father Lakmus, his mother Yoyo, his sisters Poster, Filur, Faser, Vinkel, Åpppa, Ilder, Hanni, Cazop, Huure, Gaute, Fokus, Jihad, Fatwa, Leksan, Esca, Go, Bendig, Hateg, Kujji, Timor, Saddel, Polis, Krætt, Mænnir, Syssil, Malih, Grøøso, Hann(i), Trap, Far, Luring, mensi (no capital letter because she had been adopted a long time after she died), Opi and Frebbit. As you can see, Klemet loved his entire family, every single member, except for his brother, Hans, whose name seemed to make everyone turn away nauseated. mensi, who never dared (according to Klemet) to stand up against him, agreed to try and put him through the well-known Santussa-cure. Their plan implied removing both of Hans` arms. This was necessary to make him fit into the baggage-trunk of their newly bought Kuza-vehicle (and go to the hospital), which tolerated no more than two pairs of arms in it. Klemet had recently read an article in a magazine about a gert in their neighbour village who had tried to make four, FOUR people (that makes four pairs of arms) fit inside (the same as our "insude"), and after a couple of days the car had broken down. Of course, Klemet couldn’t take such a risk, and he decided to do what he had to. The hacksaw was the proper instrument for the job, and it all lasted for about two years. Well, Hans had lost both of his arms, but during these years he had also changed his name into Onto, which was a far more acceptable name. He was, after all, a relative of Drazju, the strongest man in the Lottå. Finally, I would like to point to the fact that in Turtæ, where this TRUE story is situated, an "arm" is the same as our "cat", and that everyone in Turtæ is born connected to no less than two cats...

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